Alone
by mida malek
Summary: What happens when Mr. Shue gives an assignment on CLOWNS?
1. Little Clown,, Troubling Clown

_**HIIII!:D Ok so this is VERY different than my usual stuff. I wrote this because of my**_

_**muse, my love and my everything, my baby girlfriend!:D baby i love u!:3 :***_

_**WARNING! You might cry!**_

It all started on Monday, when Mr. Shue thought it would be cool to dedicate the week to clowns.

Kurt was sure he'd be pairing with Blaine and sing a happy childish song. well, that was the idea

before he caught his boyfriend with another guy, a Warbler, at this little coffee house. This was

THEIR corner, where they had spent days talking, sharing and it was the place Kurt had told

Blaine about how he felt.

well, maybe that was just it, this was a spot for Blaine, to get boys and…

Kurt stopped himself there. he was accusing the world's most honest person of cheating and

playing people. He had to put his miserable thoughts back in his dark cell of mind, where they

belonged.

He tried to forget, he really did, but then Blaine started dancing with the guy all night and he

just… after they had fought, he'd realized he could not take this anymore. Blaine was the last

draw, and now Kurt was sure. he was well and truly on his own.

So he went to the one other person who was as alone as him in the school. He had the perfect

song, but it was in two voices and Kurt couldn't make two voices, no matter how talented he

knew he was.

"Quinn! How are you today?"

"What do you want Hummel?"

"Look, We're not friends, I get it. I just have a song, and I think your voice suit this song."

Quinn closed her locker door and turned to face Kurt.

"Shouldn't you be singing a duet with your boyfriend?"

Kurt shuffled on his feet, feeling uncomfortable.

"I really rather sing this with you. He's busy with the his show and…" he took a second to pick

his smile back up. "You have time tonight? we can practice it."

Quinn looked around, seeing Puck walking after Shelby and in that second, she knew she was up

for anything Kurt had in mind.

"Count me in Hummel. See you at 6, my place."

Kurt was the one to tell Mr. Shue they had a number ready. They both took the stools by the

piano, having practiced the act so many times before. With a motion of Kurt's finger they started

the song. Kurt had taken the lower voice, because the lyrics fit him better.

"little clown," Quinn started, followed by Kurt's beautiful voice.

"TROUBLING CLOWN,

WHY DO YOU BOTHER TO STAY?"

"Why is he running away?" Quinn sang, looking at Finn, Blaine and Puck.

"DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE MURDERING?"

Kurt was singing with more hate in his voice that Quinn had heard during rehearsals. apparently,

Blaine had really screwed up.

"everyone's just come together at last."

"YOU'RE BROKEN, I JUST WANT TO PLAY."

"We Grew Up"

"CLOSER THAN MOST"

"closer than anything,"

"CLOSER THAN ANYTHING."

"Shared Our Hive And"

"WORE THE SAME CLOTHES."

"talked about everything,"

"SPOKE ABOUT SO MANY THINGS."

"what shall i wear tonight?"

"WHAT SHALL I EAT TODAY?"

"should i talk to karkat?"

"YOU'RE ANNOYING HIM, ANYWAY."

"should i go bake a pie?"

"BUT YOU RAN OUT OF SLIME."

"what if they find me?"

"THEY'RE NOT LOOKING ANYWAY."

Kurt's voice was shaking on the last word, staring at Blaine with tearful eyes. if they didn't see

how hurt he was, how broken, they had a big shock to come.

"little clown,"

"TROUBLING CLOWN,WHY DO YOU BOTHER TO STAY?"

"why is he running away?"

"DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE MURDERING?"

"everyone's just come together at last."

"YOU'RE BROKEN, I JUST WANT TO PLAY."

"what shall i wear tonight?"

"WHAT SHALL I EAT TODAY?"

"do you think i should talk to them?"

"THEY ALL HATE YOU ANYWAY."

Quinn noticed how everyone was just staring at Kurt and how tears were in his eyes. they

question was, was he sad or was he just so angry? because Quinn? she was angry. She DID feel

like murdering. She wanted to punch a person, it didn't even matte rwho anymore.

"should i be helping out?"

"WILL YOU BE FUCKING UP?"

"i want to have knowledge."

"YOU'RE BLIND TO IT ANYWAY."

Quinn stopped singing, feeling too overwhelmed. they were supposed to sing this part together.

But Quinn just couldn't. the lyrics was doing things to her and it seemed like it was the first time

she was hearing it. It also seemed like it was the first time she was hearing Kurt. The boy was a

mess. He was close to breaking down any moment.

"WE GREW UP SO VERY CLOSE.

A PARASITE NEEDS A HOST.

I'M ONLY TRYING TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.

I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS, I NEVER WANTED THIS.

ALL THAT I WANTED WAS A SMILE OR TWO...

LOOKING IN HIS EYES, I'M COMING HOME…"

Kurt took a few seconds to compose himself, getting to his feet. He needed to show Blaine what

he had done and he needed eye contact. He walked towards the boy with dark curly hair, his

boyfriend.

"JUST GET AWAY FROM ME," Kurt pushed the chair away, causing it to fall.

"PLEASE JUST STOP TOUCHING ME." He pushed Blaine's hand away, the hand that had

been hanging for a few seconds now, to get Kurt to shut up. But not anymore.

"I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE.

NOW I REALIZE THAT I'M ALONE…

THEY'RE ONLY SCARED OF ME.

AND THEY NEVER CARED FOR ME.

WHY DON'T THEY LET ME FREE?

'CAUSE THEY'D NEVER DARED TO BE."

Kurt was crying now, and the room had started to spin around his head. he held on to the back of

the nearest chair and willed away his tears.

"CAUSE THEY NEVER LISTEN,THEY'RE ALWAYS INSISTING.

I JUST STOP REMINISCING,

I FEEL SOMETHING MISSING

I JUST WANT YOU HERE WITH ME

WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET ALONG?

DO THEY LEAVE ME ALONE…"

Kurt knew he wasn't supposed to be so unsteady, stumbling back over his own feet, but he

couldn't care as the silence filled the room.

And then it all went black.

_**Don't forget to leave me reviews and kudos!:D :p :-"**_


	2. No more tears

_**Ok, so guys, this was totally going in another direction, but life decided to shit on me and well, Kurt feels me too well, so i decided to change this. please take a look at my warnings again!:)**_

Kurt blinked a few times, praying that he was asleep, having a nightmare. This was all it could be, a bad nightmare. He felt like he was gonna choke on his own breath, and there was nothing saving him from it. No one...

He was gonna collapse. He knew he was gonna lose it again and fall unconscious like he had a year ago.

"it was Sebastian, wasn't it?" Was all that left his mouth. He wasn't even thinking anymore. He couldn't bring himself to care what they were saying anymore. It didn't matter. It was over. Blaine had finally dropped the bomb.

"It wasn't... It didn't mean anything... Kurt please..." He tried to take Kurt's hands, and Kurt jumped backwards, as if he had been electrocuted.

"Don't touch me... just...leave me alone! Leave me and go Blaine. clearly you're not happy with me. Just... go."

Kurt started running, he didn't even know where to, he just ran. he needed to get far away from anyone, everyone.

"They all hate you anyway." He kept repeating to himself. He was the fool, he was the idiot making himself believe that Blaine might actually be different. he was shivering, his clothes wet and his tears washed away in the pouring rain. He didn't care, no one else did and he was tired of telling himself that it didn't matter. He was tired of telling himself that HE was the only one who should care.

It fucking mattered to him. He was tired of fighting the world alone. he was tired of being the only one who loved Kurt Hummel, being the only one to try and get punched in the face. He was tired of getting back on his feet. he was tired of taking care of everyone. No one needed him anymore and not even himself cared anymore if he was alive or not. he was gonna finish all this. that was the right thing to do...

He would finish it all tonight... no more tears, no more hurt. He just wanted it all to finish, to end. He wanted to be free, he NEEDED to stop caring about the whole world.

This was it. He wouldn't even bother with a stupid note, telling them why he was doing it. They all fucking knew exactly why he was doing it.

He just had no reason left not to...

It didn't even matter how he was gonna do it. A deep cut? An overdose on his happy pills? jumping off a building? hanging himself? It didn't matter... He just wanted it all over.

and that's the last thing he was gonna give himself. It fit his life style. what a better way to go for a person who has had no one by his side? who has never gotten anything from anyone? This would be his last way of taking care of himself and his needs.

he was gonna be the one to turn off the lights... 

_**I'm sorry guys if this is depressing. I'm holding on to nothing.**_


End file.
